I am noticing I still have an aversion to conflict. I am uncomfortable setting boundaries and advocating for myself. When I do speak up, and I always do because I’m constantly nudging myself closer to authenticity in every experience, I feel so uncomfortable. My mind begins to play the worry track…
“how will I be received?”, “does my directness come off as bitchy?”, “I don’t want to offend them.”, “what if I lose something because of this?”
It shows up in my body as a tingly queasiness and I can feel my awareness rising up towards my head.
When I notice the questioning arrive in my head and the sensations in my body, I stop. I take three big inhales and three big exhales and I drop in. I bring my awareness back down into my body and I feel the discomfort. I bring my full focus to the tingly queasiness. I acknowledge that part of me that is afraid of being judged and abandoned and I make space for all of it to be there. I don’t try to fix myself or stop the experience from happening, rather I hold space for myself in the same loving way I would a friend or a small child.
I begin to feel better. My breath feels deep and the stories are no longer looping in my mind. My awareness is dropped into my body and I feel good about setting a boundary and advocating for myself. My nervous system is regulated, I’m more resilient and next time conflict will feel easier. I know this because every time I’ve done this before it has allowed me to stretch my edges and grow into a more authentic expression of me.
This is a true story. This just happened.
*my Feel Focus Flow practice is waaaayyyyy sped up 😂 this is 25 minutes condensed into 25 seconds