I am grateful to not be raising my kids now in momfluencer culture where women in their 30’s with kids under 10 are the so called experts telling you what to do. Most of these people aren’t talking about our culture & the systemic issues facing the way our parenting has been shaped.
I’ve been a mom since I was 19. Not only was I mom, I was the only parent for almost half of the time my kids were growing up. My youngest is almost 20, a year older than I was when I had her sister who will be 27. My son will soon be 25.
I went from being a kid to raising kids and now, 27 years later I find myself in this interesting and often uncomfortable space of learning who I am and what I want to do with my life when I’m not taking care of them.
I look back and have flashes of memories: along with the laughter, smiles and fun there were also incredibly tumultuous parts that I had to dig deep and trust myself to navigate. I did things I’m proud of and I’ve also made mistakes I wish I could use a time turner to go back to do something different.
Watching my childless kids live their young adulthoods untethered to the same responsibilities I had at their age has been eye opening. It’s made me ask myself who I would’ve been if I hadn’t been so focused on not passing on generational harm, paying bills and setting them up for proverbial success. I know there are jobs I would’ve left sooner (or wouldn’t have taken altogether), boundaries I would’ve worked harder at maintaining and relationships I only maintained “for the kids”. I’ve also learned that things I thought were important at the time really weren’t and that sometimes we do things because we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s for the best even when it’s really not.
If you’re a parent trying to navigate our current cultural landscape and all that brings with it, I wish you breath, presence and the discernment necessary to hold true to what feels right in your bones. 🏼🌱