Updated: Dec 6, 2020
I am at a crossroads of sorts...my entire life has been spent self policing much of what I say to protect others from their own feelings. You see, I often see what others do not. I see what is playing beneath the scenes, what is being cast aside as unimportant or hidden away due to shame or a desire to maintain control. These things that I see, if left unchecked, at best ensure the systems of inequality and status quo play out. At worst they become festering wounds that create even more issues in the future. I’m not saying I have special powers or that I can see the future, rather I’m saying that I pay closer attention to the details than most. What I am seeing play out in our current world is breaking my heart yet I am reluctant to share what it is that I see because I’m afraid it can’t be heard. It’s like seeing a train coming down the tracks and not being able to get the kids placing pennies to move out of the way quick enough.
So, the crossroads I am at are where the road that leads me into solitude, where I focus on my own inner work and take care of my own family intersects with the road that leads me to speak out and name what I see, trusting that those with ears to hear may listen and have the chance to focus on their inner work and taking care of their own families. If I begin to share what I see a lot of fear, anger and shame will undoubtedly rise to the surface. It is not my intention to fear monger, incite anger or shame people for what they’ve been unknowingly participating in. And I’m not entirely sure it is my place to be the one to call￼ it out. I’ve learned over the years that at times I am meant only to be the witness and not the remedy. At the moment I am unclear which role I am meant to play. I feel called to speak and it’s potential pointlessness at the same time.
I am seeing where we are pointing our fingers outward, blind to our own inner narcissism which is a much larger problem than the guy sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office, Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates.
I am seeing a lack of personal responsibility that will create major issues in how we feed ourselves and survive in the future.
I am seeing a refusal, even amongst those who call themselves spiritual, to really look within and do the work necessary to create the real change we desperately need.
I understand the true path to healing and wholeness is not for the faint of heart. I understand that it feels better to point the finger outward rather than look in the mirror and ask what our role is. I understand that it feels easier to let someone else lead while we follow and hope it all turns out for the best.
I also understand that playing into any of these narratives is a sentence to our own death. So here I stand at the crossroads, unsure of which road to take. I am putting this out here to ask, are any of you willing to have these conversations with me, to take a deep hard look through my eyes and get curious about what you see? Are you willing to look at your own shadow, to see how you’re perpetuating the very things you proclaim to despise? If so, I am willing to create a space for us to do that. A place to work on on one with me and together in a larger group to dismantle the structures that keep us small and powerless and build something new.
Let me know, are you willing to go there with me, into the dark to reclaim your light?