Rewriting Our Contracts: A Practice


I recently had tea with a friend who told me about her reflections on relationship contracts and how she realized that if we hold on to "outdated contracts" it can cause distress and relationship failure. This conversation prompted me to reflect on all of my relationships to discover where I have placed unwritten and oftentimes unconscious "contracts" on them. You can look to your own relationships to see examples of this; this is where roles have been defined and emotional expectations have been drawn out. It is easy to get caught up in the momentum of our daily lives as we continue to live in relationship with the original contract guidelines in force even if they are no longer serving us or the other person involved. Relationships are not a static entity; they are constantly in a state of change and evolution. Roles are adopted and dropped, sometimes children are born or they move out, the people involved shift and change. When we take the time to sit and reflect on how much a relationship has evolved over time it seems obvious that we would have to reevaluate some things in order to continue our progress forward. Just as reevaluating whether relationship contracts you hold with others are current and valid is important, it is helpful to take a look at the contracts we have made with ourselves. Actually, I would argue that the contracts we make with ourselves are the most important and the practice that follows can help you to rewrite the most important relationship contract in your life; the one you have with yourself.